Friday, October 25, 2013

Lutheran Satire Saturday 26th October, 2013. Vigil of Sts. Simon & Jude, St. Evaristus, PM

"Frank the Hippie Antipope" - a Lutheran Satire



"Hullo, and welcome to "Frank the Hippie Pope," the show where I say things and confuse everyone in the world, when I say things.


Here's how the show works.    You call and ask me a loaded question.    I answer in a way that makes it sound like I'm overturning official Catholic doctrine, and then my Producer, Jeff, runs damage control."


"Isn't that Right, Jeff?"


Jeff:  "That's right."


"Pope" Frank:  "Are you totally psyched for today's show?"


Jeff:  "Not really, No."


"Pope" Frank:  "O.K. So let's begin... caller number 1...what's your question?"


Caller No. 1:  "Yes, sir. When's the Catholic Church gonna' stop getting off the shape about abortion?"


"Pope" Frank:  "Dude, I know's like there's so many more positive things to talk about like gardening, butterflies and stuff."


Caller No. 1:  "But, I don't get it.   Is the Catholic Church pro-choice now?"


"Pope" Frank:  "Er... Jeff?"


Jeff:  "The Catechism of the Catholic Church states 'Since the first century the Church has affirmed the moral evil of every procured abortion.  This teaching has not changed and remains unchangeable.'... Despite his sloppy wording, "Pope" Frank is in no way overturning this position or speaking against it."


"Pope" Frank:  "Thank you, Jeff."


Jeff:  "Also the reason so many Churches obsess over abortion is probably because approximately 42 million innocent children throughout the world are murdered in the womb every year."


"Pope" Frank:  "Ah, ha,ha,ha, that's right....O.K. caller No. 2..."


Caller No. 2:  "Yes, so God is currently cool with homosexuality, right?"


"Pope" Frank:  "Dude, God is cool with everyone."


Caller No. 2:  "So you're fine with gay "marriage" then?"


Jeff:  "No!" "Pope" Frank is not NOT fine with gay "marriage" ... he holds to the official position of the Catholic Church, which is that Homosexual activity is sinful and that marriage is by nature in God's command the union of one man and one woman.   What the Pope probably meant was that Jesus died for those who endure same sex attraction and wants them to find forgiveness in the life of the Church."


"Pope" Frank:  "Yeah, that's what I just said, right?"


Jeff:  "No, it is not!   You gave the impression that God doesn't require people who engage in homosexual activity to repent."


"Pope" Frank:  "Well, yeah, but if a guy is like, 'Dude, I'm a gay Christian,'... like who am I to judge ... you know."


Jeff:  "You're the Pope, the supreme Pontiff, the true vicar of Christ, the head of the whole Church and father and teacher of all Christians.    To you full power has been given to tend, rule and govern the universal Church.   According to the people you lead, there is literally no one on the face of the planet more qualified to judge than you!"


"Pope" Frank:  "Ah, man.  Was I supposed to get, like a manual with the job?   'Cos I forget what I'm supposed to be doing, like all the time ... next caller..."


Caller No. 3:  "Yeah, I was wondering what do you think is the most evil thing in the world right now?"


"Pope" Frank:  "Youth unemployment."

Caller No. 3:  "Seriously?  Are you serious?"


Jeff:  "No!  He absolutely cannot be serious because that would just be." (pause) ... "Unbelief, violence, warfare, slavery, child abuse, murderous persecution of Christians, the destruction of the family, Aids, malaria, ebola ... that's 10 things off the top of my head that are infinitely worse than 'Youth unemployment.'  So clearly His High Holiness didn't understand the question!"


 "Pope" Frank:  "Yeah, let me try that one again ... can you like ... re-ask that?"


Caller No. 3:  Ah, what's the most evil thing in the world?"


"Pope" Frank:  "Carpel tunnel syndrome ... Caller No.4 ..."


Caller No.4:  "Yeah, I'm an atheist.  Can I still go to Heaven?"

"Pope" Frank:  "Dude, as long as it's not your fault that you don't believe in Jesus ... you got a real good shot at making it, Bro.'"


Caller No. 4:  "Oh, well, what if I'm a Lutheran and I believe that I'm saved 'by faith alone?'"


"Pope" Frank: "Oh, then you're totally going to Hell!"


Jeff:  "Yeah, unfortunately I don't need to correct any of that!"




Even the Lutheran heretics are able to figure out that antipope Francis isn't a Catholic - why can't those in the Novus Ordo do the same, and also those false "traditionalists, like the SSPX, while we're at it!? Like the Lutherans, they haven't yet worked out, that he's just another antipope!   It couldn't be more obvious!


However, in the last point the Lutherans got it wrong.    Antipope Francis does not believe those who cling to the heresy of 'sola fides' ( faith alone ) go to Hell or are anathema, but that they give a common witness with Catholics and are part of the true Church in virtue of their baptism.


  More Lutheran Satire - showing up the non-Catholic Vatican II sect!

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